Surviving The holidays
A Therapist’s Guide to Protecting Your Mental Health. By Melissa Carr, LPC
The holidays are often marketed as a time of joy, warmth, and connection—but for many
people, they can also be incredibly stressful. Family dynamics, financial strain, disrupted
routines, grief, loneliness, and pressure to feel “happy” can make this season feel more heavy
than magical. As a therapist, I regularly support clients through this emotional whirlpool, and I
want to offer practical tools that can help you move through the holidays with more grounding,
clarity, and self-compassion.
Here are therapist-informed strategies to help you not just survive the holidays, but move
through them more healthily and intentionally.
1. Lower the Bar: Set Realistic Expectations
Holiday stress often comes from the pressure to create a “perfect” experience—perfect gifts,
perfect meals, perfect attitudes from everyone involved. This pressure is not only unfair; it’s
unrealistic.
Try this:
Ask yourself: “What matters most to me this holiday season?” Choose one or two
priorities and intentionally release the rest.
Normalize that “good enough” is often healthier than “perfect.”
2. Plan for Emotional Triggers
Family gatherings can bring up old wounds, unresolved conflicts, or identity-related stress.
Preparing for triggers doesn’t mean you’re expecting the worst—it means you’re caring for
yourself proactively.
Try this:
Identify your top 2–3 emotional triggers.
Decide ahead of time how you want to respond (e.g., stepping outside, taking a
bathroom break, saying “I’m not going to discuss that”).
Have a supportive friend on standby for a grounding text.
3. Protect Your Boundaries—Even With Family
Boundaries are not walls; they’re guidelines for how you want to be treated. And yes, you’re
allowed to uphold them even during the holidays.
Try this:
Use short, clear statements like:
“I’m not discussing politics.”
“I need to head out by 8.”
“I’m not drinking today.”
Remember: A boundary is about your behavior, not controlling someone else’s.
4. Maintain Your Routines as Much as You Can
The structure of routines is deeply stabilizing for the nervous system. During the holidays, even
small pieces of routine can keep you grounded.
Try this:
Keep consistent wake/sleep times most days.
Protect your movement practice, even if it’s shorter.
Keep up with hydration, meals, and meds.
Schedule moments of quiet before or after social events.
5. Build in Micro-Rest
You don’t need hours of relaxation to reset your nervous system; sometimes you just need 60
seconds of intentional pause.
Try this:
Take 3 slow breaths before entering a gathering.
Spend one minute grounding your feet on the floor.
Step away for a short break during events to regulate your body and emotions.
6. Limit Alcohol if It Makes You Vulnerable
Alcohol often intensifies anxiety, depression, conflict, and impulsive behavior. Notice how it
affects you, and make intentional choices.
Try this:
Decide ahead of time how many drinks (if any) you want to have.
Alternate alcohol with water.
Give yourself permission to decline a drink—no explanation needed.
7. Create Pockets of Joy That Are Yours Alone
Instead of relying on big, idealized holiday moments, intentionally create small, manageable
moments of joy.
Try this:
Listen to music you love
Watch a comfort show
Go for a winter walk
Do a puzzle or craft
Spend time with people who actually nourish you
Joy doesn’t have to be loud or extravagant to be meaningful.
8. Ask for Help Sooner, Not Later
If you’re struggling, talking to a therapist, support group, or trusted person can make a huge
difference. You don’t need to wait for things to get worse before reaching out.
Try this:
Let someone know: “This season is hard for me. Can we check in more often?”
Schedule therapy appointments in advance if the holidays tend to be rough.
If you’re overwhelmed, prioritize connection—even small amounts count.
Final Thought: Offer Yourself the Gift of Self-Compassion
The holidays can be emotionally complicated. You are not required to stretch yourself beyond
your limits, entertain everyone’s expectations, or pretend you’re okay when you’re not.
Think of self-compassion as telling yourself:
“I’m doing the best I can, and that is enough.”
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